How to Get Your Spouse to Listen

Having a satisfyling marriage part 3:

Proverbs 15:2 "When wise people speak, they make knowledge attractive."

There are seven key things to do to get your spouse or anyone else to listen to you.

1.) Choose the right time. (Eccl.8:6)

-when someone first comes home, don't start an argument or having a heavy, important discussion. Most arguments start before dinner time. Wait until you both have had something to eat and some pleasant conversation before you begin your important discussion.

2.)Plan your presentation. (Prov. 16:23)

-think about what you are going to say, use specific examples and lots of details. Be careful to make sure your conversation isn't filled with judgement. Be careful of your introduction. (two suggested books to read are: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and The Language of Love by Gary Smalley ).

3.)Begin with his or her needs first. (Eph.4:29)

-ask about your spouse's day or needs before you start with yours. There are 3 things that will get your spouse's attention: (1) if it is something that THREATENS them, (2) if it is something that is of VALUE to them, and (3) if it is something that is UNIQUE.

4.) Listen first! (Prov.18:13 and James 1:19)

-be ready to listen to them first. Don't make assumptions about how your spouse will respond or what they will say.

5.) Say it positively. (Prov.16:21)

-don't always been the bearer of bad news. Be positive, even about the bad things. Show faith and trust in God and in your spouse that together with God's help you can get through the hard times. You will never be persuasive if you are being negative by yelling, shouting, name calling, or nagging.

-No one is Mr. Right or Mrs. Right. Focus on the 70 % that attracted you to your spouse 100% of the time, not the 30% that drives you crazy!

6.) Clarify your conclusions. (Phill. 4:2b)

-summarize what you said or what your goal was for the conversation. Agree with each other in the Lord, doesn't mean you will always agree with one another. Be specific when you talk and don't just drop hints.

7.) End with an encouraging word. (Prov.12:25)

-you are an adult-there should be no reason for you to scream and yell at your spouse for something they did or didn't do, or if the don't see things your way.

Here are 3 things that you can do to affirm your spouse:
1.) Your commitment to each other (things may not be the best right now, but let them know you are not going anywhere.)

2.)Your love for your spouse (love is an everyday choice, not a feeling.)

3.) Your optimism that God will help you make progress (talk about what is going on and really listen and hear what the other one has to say.)

"The prize of a good marriage is worth the price."