Understanding Your Wife's Deepest Needs

Secrets of a Satisfying Marriage Part 4

This morning the sermon focused on Husbands and how to understand their wife and their wife's needs. Next week, it will focus on the Wife and how to understand their husband's needs.

1 Cor.7:3 "A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs."

1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way BE CONSIDERATE as you LIVE WITH your wives, and treat them with RESPECT as the weaker partner, and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Your husband cannot meet all your needs. Only Jesus Christ can. When I was in college, I did this Bible study called "Falling in Love with Jesus" by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli. This book looked at your life as Jesus being your "husband" and falling in love with him. Dee is married, but Kathy was a 40 year old that had never married. Both ladies wrote this book, so you get both perspectives. It is an awesome book, if you have never read it, you need to!

The information for this sermon today, came from a book "His Needs/Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley.

1. My Wife Needs My Affection (Eph.5:28, Col.3:19)
Husbands-your wife needs to know she is cared for, loved, protected, and that you are proud of her. One key thing that Steve said this morning that I thought was interesting was the husbands need to not only affirm their wives in the home, but in public as well, in front of friends and family. He also said that affection is sepperate from sex. A woman nees to be touched in a loveing way that has nothing to do with sex or wanting something in return.
Four Ways to Show Affection:
1.) Show affection by words-verbally cararess your wife
2.) Show affection by your actions-acts of kindess, a card or flowers, or nice meal just because
3.) Show affection by the way you touch your wife-holding hands, put your arm around her
4.) Show affection by the way you focus your attention on her-look her in the eyes.

Steve gave reference to the Song of Solomon. Before Kevin and I got engaged, we went to a Song of Solomon conference that my church was having. It went through the whole book and explained it. Kevin even bought the CD's. The speaker was great and funny, but it was a different way of looking at love and how the Bible views it. If you ever have a chance to go through a conference or Bible study about the Song of Solomon, I highly recommend that you and your spouse do. http://www.songofsolomon.com/index.asp This is the website telling about the conference that we went to.

Eph. 5:29 "No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church."

Her greatest need is to feel CHERISHED -the feeling that she is IMPORTANT to you than anyone or anything else!

2. My Wife Needs Conversation With Me (Ph.2:2, Pr.13:17, Phill.2:4)
Husbands- your wife wants to talk with you, not just at you! Just because it isn't in your nature to converse, doesn't mean you don't need to do it or at least give it a good try. Why? It's in her nature. Husbands can be away from their wife or even just away for the day and still feel very connected to you. Wives, however, if we haven't talked to our husband at least once during the day before we get home, we feel disconnected somehow. It's just the way we are.

3. My Wife Needs My Honesty and Openness (Pr.26:23,28, Pr.12:22)
Husbands, if you are not open with your wife, she will begin to think you are hiding something and then the distrust will set in. No marriage can survive dishonesty. No relationship can survive dishonesty.

4. My Wife Needs Finanical Security (1 Tim. 5:8, Pr.12:9, Pr.21:20)
Husbands- your wife needs to feel secure at home. Your wife needs to know that you are going to provide for her and take care of her. Bibically a husband is suppose to provide for his family. Not saying that us wives can't help, but we look to our husbands for guidance and for support. Not saying either that we expect you to make a lot of money and be rich, or to break your back working-which this also goes with providing our needs, not our wants or our "I really would like to have...."

5. My Wife Needs My Commitment to the Family
How can you show this?
1.)Be faithful to your wife (Pr.5:15, Pr.6,32)
2.)Share the parenting responsibilities (Eph.6:4)-take and pick up the kids, spend time with them- give your wife a night out or afternoon out without the kids.
3.)Take the initiative in home repair (Eccl.10:18) -even if you don't which way to correctly hold the hammer, at least try!
4.)Be the spiritual leader of your home (Eph.5:26)-even if you are not that comfortable in this area, be the one to ask the blessing over meals, be the first one to suggest reading the Bible together or praying about something.

Husbands-everything you need to know about how to love and care for your wife can be found in the Bible. The Bible is God's guidelines for us, our How-to manual. If you still are not sure, then ask your wife. Yes, you may not like her answer, or may be stuck listening for awhile, but who knows better what your wife wants and needs than your wife?

Challenge: find some way this week to surprise your wife and let her know that you appreciate her.